I'm so into you,
darlin if you only knew,
all the fears that float through my mind.
I feel good. I feel happy.
Now, I wanted to wait.. about a week longer, to say something to the social media.
He was ready weeks ago!! I would keep telling him "just wait, we're still in a sensitive time" he'd respond with "everything will be fine, I promise" It was really sweet how excited he was to share to the world that he was going to be a daddy. I was equally as excited, but not as confident that everything would "be alright." We have been here before. But every day that passed I felt a little safer and a little more like "it really may be okay." To want something so incredibly bad, and to wait every month just for another let down, really does take it's tole on your emotions. All I can say is how grateful I am for a strong and loving husband who wanted it just as badly as I did but stood strong. He really was my rock these last 2 years. It killed me that I couldn't give him a family. No matter what we did, or what I did. So when I was a day late we went and picked up a test. I always thought I would surprise him with some crazy way that I was pregnant. (I still get butterflies when I see the words "pregnant" and that it pertains to me) But when I knew, I couldn't wait one second, I broke down in tears of joy. And had to share with him right away! I had experienced lower back pain for the week prior so immediately I was afraid this would be another early miscarriage. The back pain continued for another 2 weeks. Then it subsided and was replaced with morning sickness, which I always heard was a good sign, so I didn't mind too much. I am just so happy to finally have passed my 12 week mark and although many fears are still buried in my little head, I feel more at ease. What an amazingly lucky person I am.
I tell myself that all the time lately! I can't help it. I am just so so lucky. Not only to be able to experience a baby growing inside of me and start a family, but to do it all with a man who is the love of my life and makes me so so happy. A man who will be the most amazing daddy. Who has made me laugh through tears and rubbed my back when I couldn't take pain relievers. On top of all that, I have such an amazing family, step family, and in-laws. Jordan and I both have supportive friends. We love our jobs and our little home. We feel we have worked for it all.. don't get me wrong, it didn't come easy, but...
I am so lucky.