Yeah, I'm doing this

Letter to my 14 year old self:

Allie,

I want to start with saying that you think right now that you're going to grow up one day and know it all, that life will figure itself out and be such a dream when you get older.

This is not true. 

You're still trying to figure things out.

Who you are.

Who your "real" friends are.

Who you want to be.

But I want to let you know that it's okay.

Nobody ever really knows everything.

Nobody ever really has "it all figured out"

Life is about "figuring things out"

Just when it seems easy, it'll throw you curve balls.

One thing is for certain though, you can always fall back on your family.

At this point in your life I know that your family is a little unstable,

and you feel like everything is falling apart.

You're confused as to why your mom and dad don't want to be together anymore.

You're confused as to why they can't even be in the same room without ripping each others heads off.

Things do get better. Not perfect. But better.

You are sweet and nieve right now.

Even though you trust everyone way too easily, you don't get hurt.

I am very grateful for this.

You talk to strangers and go to their houses, but they aren't bad people..

Which you learn is very uncommon.

I am so happy to know that you never get taken advantage of in this stage of your life.

You're best friend is going to leave you soon.

It's hard for you. At first of course. Then you heal, but then it gets hard again.

You don't make friends easily because of this.

But you make one really good one.

It's a boy.

He's a wonderful guy. You will know this before too long.

Before you meet him, and before your BFF leaves, you are very boy crazy.

All you write in your journal is a list, normally 1-10 of all the boys you "love" in order from most to least.

You and the bestie go toilet papering, to the movies, and to church dances often.

Cherise these times. They are important to you.

You should ask your parents to take you to the dentist and get those damn wisdom teeth pulled.

Because your teeth are in great shape right now, these days, well lets just say I want braces.

When you get in trouble at your first job, get fired, and have to pay that "huge" fine.. Know its okay.

It wasn't your fault.

Dont ask that boy to take you to see your mom afterwards.

He's not good for you.

He makes you very unhappy.

You spend a lot of time alone in the later years of high school. You blend in, don't wanna stand out.

You don't really have anyone to sit with at lunch or talk to between classes.

High school seems so cruel to you right now. But its just a sliver of life and you're unique. You stand out more than you know. The blue eye liner isnt as suttle as you think.

The acne doesn't go away all the way. Sorry. We got crappy skin. We try everything. Nothing really works.

Your freckles also never go away. Sorry. I know we hate them. They don't even fade.

Your luck doesnt get better. Except a few things..

You get a great job. That pays and treats you well!

And you marry a handsome, kind man.

You have a lot to learn, but just know, you have plenty of time to learn.

Life gives you some lemons which instead of turning into lemonade you squirt it in your eyes and break down and cry but it's okay. You become strong. Healthy. Loved. And Loving.

Oh you also get to go to Hawaii. Twice.

You love it.

You're still discovering who you are. What I know..

You are amazing just the way you are.

I may or may not have stolen that line, but you're to young to know that.

Love Always,

Future You

Oh and P.S. Spoiler Alert! That guy who "has cancer" is lying to you. You believe every word and he apologizes many years later. When it doesn't matter. I guess he needed your attention when you were this age, but this isn't fair. Just life.